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Having previously served as a licensed counselor in the US, William* moved to India to use his experience to guide people through trying life situations. Here he describes counseling a Hindu wife, trying to offer guidance in a culture very different from his own, and seeing how Jesus worked in the midst of it.

Prisha* came to me for counseling regarding her marriage. As she talked about her husband, she shared how she felt unappreciated, unloved, and completely taken for granted. It was rare for her husband to show appreciation for anything she did (preparing meals, mending clothes, or doing chores around the house). Prisha felt invisible in her home and marriage.

Her experience is a common one for women in India. Culturally, husbands are to be treated almost as gods by their wives. Not doing so can sometimes lead to physical repercussions. This fact, combined with the shame wives are said to bring to their families by sharing anything that reflects poorly on their husbands, children, in-laws and others, makes airing such frustrations nearly impossible.

As Prisha and I talked, we explored how she felt, what was difficult about living in such a situation, and what she wanted to get out of counseling. Seeing any kind of marital progress in such situations is challenging. Prisha wanted her husband to grow in his respect, appreciation, and love for her. While she was motivated to work on their marriage, he was not.

There are many reasons why a man would not want to participate in therapy with his wife. One reason is that Indian men hold great power in relationships, and to participate fully in therapy can lead to giving up some of that power. Another is the larger cultural understanding of honor as it relates to husbands and wives. Culture teaches that husbands are due honor from their wives. To ask for change can be interpreted by the husband as an attempt to lessen such honor—a powerful cultural force that shapes marriages and relationships in general.

What did happen through our time together is that God provided an environment where Prisha could openly share her thoughts and feelings without fear that others would hear or where abuse might follow. Many other clients had shared with me that even churches aren’t safe. Something believed to have been shared confidentially with a pastor or church leader could suddenly end up in a sermon the next Sunday. Christians therefore have limited avenues for seeking help. Hindus have even fewer.

Sometimes progress is measured in leaps and bounds. Other times it is measured in smaller ways. While counseling led to little, if any, change at home (not without effort on her part), Prisha returned repeatedly to attend sessions with me. It offered her the opportunity to speak freely, confidentially, and honestly about her struggles, without fear that others would find out. It also offered her a safe place where the love of Christ was demonstrated through a listening ear.

It was this simple act of listening with empathy and compassion that seemed to have the greatest impact on Prisha. In a culture where shame lurks around every corner, there is some peace in knowing that others are aware of your struggles and care enough to listen and to pray. Prisha was received into the sessions with the love of Christ, and, for a limited amount of time each week, there was joy in knowing that would be so.

*Pseudonyms and stock photo used for security purposes.